Pure Anarchy
by Dragon'sHost
Summary: Lucy finds something in her closet that leads to Jackal losing his mind.
1. Chapter 1

**My sister did this to me today and… yeah, Jackal's reaction was my reaction. To the letter. I don't know why but… I did not react well to this… and I just completely lost my shit.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

* * *

Jackal sat, or rather, perched on the chair next to his girlfriend's bed. His tail swished as he contemplated the offensively pink duvet within his line of sight.

If he just… tossed it out the window, would Lucy notice?

"Jackal, whatever you're planning…" Lucy paused in her closet spelunking mission to turn and give her boyfriend a long, hard stare. "Don't."

He laid his ears flat against his skull. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The blonde Celestial mage's carnelian eyes bored straight into the gold ones of the blond demon sulking on her chair. "Right. Sure you don't." She returned to delve into her closet for something. "You could help me pack?" she coaxed. "After all, this vacation was your idea."

Shrugging, Jackal continued to lounge. "And I said you didn't need to bring nearly this much stuff, and yet here we are." He reached out one leg, and prodded a bag with a claw. "There's three of these things. If you don't hurry up, I'm going to start exploding things."

Lucy let out a screech of indignation. "Don't you fucking dare, Jackal!" she hissed.

Unconcerned, Jackal smirked at her. "Or what?" he taunted, prodding another bag meaningfully. "I mean… it really would be so simple to just… turn this into a small bomb…"

Eyes narrowed, Lucy threatened, "Set off another one of those damn bombs in here, and I will sic the landlady on _you_ this time!" It was her turn to smugly watch as her boyfriend's face went an unhealthy shade of white. "Not feeling so brave now, are you?"

"I'm pretty sure that woman is another one of Zeref's demons," Jackal growled. "And nothing you say will ever convince me otherwise."

"Then don't blow things up!" Lucy shouted.

"Now that's just being unreasonable."

Giving up, Lucy extracted a large bag from the depths of her closet.

Jackal immediately took note of the closed zipper upon it, and he perked up in interest.

Then Lucy opened the bag, pulling out…

More… bags?

Lots more bags.

Huge bags.

The demon could only gape. "You have... a huge bag in your closet… full of… _more_ large bags?!" He paused for a second. "Five of them?!"

Lucy shot him a devious grin. "Brilliant, and a stroke of genius, right?"

"Are you _fucking_ _kidding_ me?!" Jackal yelled, completely and utterly losing it. "This is not genius! This is fucking anarchy! Pure fucking anarchy, I tell you!"

"Says the mad bomber," Lucy muttered. "Pray tell, _how_ is this anarchy, exactly?"

" _This!_ Can't you see it?!" her boyfriend hissed, the fur on his tail standing on end. "Why would you. Place bags. Inside of. Another fucking bag? Why? Why the fuck would you do that?"

"To… save… space…?" Lucy responded.

"This is what is wrong with the human race," Jackal continued to lament. "This. Right here. This is a symbol of everything the human race has become or amounted to within the last four centuries. Why do you even own so many bags? I don't get it? And. Putting them. Inside of. Other bags? And then. Into your closet? Like? Why? Why would do you that? _Why?!_ "

As Jackal proceeded to lose his mind – over a bunch of bags, no less – Lucy just observed him in mixed horror and amusement.

"I'd hate to see how you'd react to Moreos and None Pizza Left Beef…"

* * *

 **Couldn't resist throwing that last line in there.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I was going to make another one-shot of Jackal, Lucy, and company at the beach, but then I realized that it be a perfect extension of this since in the first chapter they mention a vacation.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.**

* * *

The cab of the extra large SE vehicle that Team Natsu had rented was crammed to beyond its full capacity long before any of the passengers climbed aboard. Suitcases and bags, the vast majority of which belonged to the scarlet haired warrior now arguing with the SE rental employee.

Lucy eyed the bulging vehicle with trepidation, her eyes sweeping between both it and the other members of the group. Calculating how to successfully stuff everyone she needed to within.

Beside her, Jackal lounged again the side of Fairy Tail's Guild Hall. Unlike his girlfriend, he was preoccupied by a butterfly's meandering path. Tilting his head up to better view the insect's progress with his unblinking, liquid gold stare, he was more or less oblivious to the world around him.

"Perhaps Mirajane and I should rent a second of these... contraptions," a silky voice spoke next to Lucy's ear, startling her a little. Hearing the Celestial mage's heartbeat pick up, Jackal blinked and glanced in her direction. Seeing that it was only Mard Geer standing placidly beside her, he returned his complete attention back to the butterfly's fluttering wings.

Smiling up at the tall, dark-haired demon, Lucy greeted, "Good morning, Mard! I didn't notice you were there, my apologies!"

He shook his head slightly, the barest hint of a smile upon his own face. "No, I should apologize for not announcing myself sooner."

"It's fine, really. So you were wondering about the SE vehicle?" Lucy ventured.

"Indeed. I must say that this is the first time I've encountered one. Do you mind explaining how it functions?"

Pleased at being asked, Lucy explained, "Basically they're like wagons. Only, instead of having a beast of burden pull one, they move by draining the driver's magical energy through that suction cufflink there." She pointed it out. "That's pretty much it, really. If you want more of the technical details, Gajeel might know something." Though getting the newly inflicted with motion-sickness Dragon Slayer anywhere near transportation these days was a tricky proposition at best.

"Interesting," Mard observed, deep in thought. "Does the source of power have to originate from the driver, or might a passenger provide the necessary...?"

"Fuel," Lucy supplied for him. "And a passenger could do it, yes. But I wouldn't recommend you or Jackal for it."

"Because we were crafted from Etherion," Mard finished.

Embarrassed, Lucy scuffed the ground with her shoe a little. "Um... yeah."

Mard's almost imperceptible smile grew. "There is no need to dance around that fact, Lucy. We are well aware of what we are, as are you and Mirajane. And yet the pair of you still put up with us, I believe is the saying."

"You've got it right."

Lucy still wasn't entirely certain what to make of Mirajane's... boyfriend? Beau? Lover? Suitor? ...Person? Demon? Honestly, she wasn't even clear on the specifics of their relationship. Only that they were in some way more than mere friends. The demon was a quiet, reserved individual, a great contrast to her own brash and loud blond boyfriend. He seemed to make Mirajane happy, though.

Mard nodded towards Erza. "I believe the Titania is almost finished."

It did seem as if Erza was wrapping things up. The renter was cowering, and the redhead seemed rather smug about something. She probably got them a price reduction, actually, so Lucy made a mental note to thank her if that was indeed the case.

The Celestial mage checked on Jackal, nearly bursting into giggles at the angle his head was cranked at to better watch the butterfly. He then leaned to the side, trying to compensate for the limitations of his spinal column.

Apparently, this was too much for his center of gravity to handle, and he fell over with an undignified squawk.

"...My boyfriend the demon lord, folks," Lucy muttered. "You know, he insists he's a canine. But all I see is genus Felidae."

"I suppose you might ask Lord Zeref which is the truth," Mard mused aloud. "Though I would not recommend that to you."

"Thank you for the head's up." Then she joked, "Normally Jackal is only that interested in something he can turn into a bomb."

"Just as well he did not catch it, then," replied Mard. "He's always been fond of turning innocuous things into bombs."

Lucy laughed at that. "Well, I'm going to go collect his bruised ego..." With that, she departed.

Mirajane then sidled up to Mard. "You and Lucy seemed like you were hitting it off!" she commented. "Talk about anything interesting?"

He nodded, peering curiously at the two blonds. "Your friend is rather strange. "She seems to find Jackal's tendency to turn butterflies into bombs hilarious."

* * *

 **I broship Lucy and Mard Geer HARD. In case you couldn't tell.**


End file.
